Crash and Burn
by badluck pika-pika
Summary: Shuichi is musing about Yuki's affair and his love for him. A semi- songfic story,and AU.


**_DISCLAIMER: _**Not mine...

And so, this story is AU...I leave it to your imagination what they do for a living...or maybe they are college students?..Don't know hahaha :3

I love gravitation ever since, and i'm pretty much a huge fan of Marilyn Manson...somehow this song kind of inspired me...i intended to do a dark romance story...oh well i'm just starting so maybe next time?

Anyway, please enjoy reading, this is my 2nd story after 7 friggin years by the way...

_-_

_Love is a fire, burns down all that it sees…_

_Burns down everything…_

_Everything you think burns down,_

_Everything you say…_

_-Just a Car Crash Away, Marilyn Manson_

'_Oh! Yuki! There! Harder! Harder!'_

…Was the first thing that I've heard upon entering the apartment which I've been sharing with my lover, Yuki Eiri, for almost a year now.

'_Ngh!'_

Ah, and that was the sigh or grunt coming out of the lips of my beloved.

Honestly, I don't know what to say, or I don't know what to think as of this moment as I stood here on the entrance. I asked myself _'should I enter the apartment? Barge into them? And then scream out to them? Or maybe, I should just remain seeing no evil, hearing no evil, and speaking no evil? And then finally just walk away; walk very far away to where I could no longer hear their pleasure laden voices?'_

This 'thing' has been going on for almost three months now, and I've been asking myself the same questions every time I come home from school and then hear the same voices in the midst of their rendezvous.

I know the girl, I _knew_ her very well. I've known her ever since I was a small child, and she knew me all her life for I am his brother as she's my very own _sister._ So now I've been betrayed, and it's a betrayal by the power of two. It hurts so much that I feel as if my heart's been pricked by thousands of needles, like there's a pang at the pit of my stomach, or that all of the hair on my back stood up, and that there's a very sharp pain spreading like fire all throughout my body.

'_It is just so, so scary.'_

That's what I've always thought.

'_AHHHH!'_

'_Ngh!'_

Suddenly, upon hearing their voices in unison, as if they've reached the highest peak, I just cannot take it any longer! I just have to get away! I need to get away from them before they notice that I've been standing there, listening to them all throughout. But, on the back of my mind, I'm not sure why is it that I feel so afraid, so guilty, and so scared where in fact, they're the one at fault and not me. I'm not the one doing them wrong! They're the one making a fool out of me! But in the end, I still don't have a single idea on why I just did so, and hell I can't even bring myself to cry.

An hour has passed since I have stormed out of the apartment, and now, I

Found myself standing at the same spot as I was just an hour ago.

I gathered all my courage to walk inside the apartment, fearing the unknown. Well I actually know, but I don't know what will welcome me as I enter.

I saw Maiko sitting on the sofa with a book, which she borrowed from me last week, sitting on her lap. Not a single trace of their affair visible.

"Ah! There you are!" She greeted me with a smile as I continue on walking inside the living room towards where she is seated.

"I came to return these to you." And she handed over the book to me as she spoke, and then I've said my thanks. I didn't even bother glossing my 'thanks' with a smile or cheerfulness, I just feel so drained now, and so I sat down on the couch with her, a gap longer than compared to which I consider normal, and trying my best to hide this awkwardness, anger, frustration, etc. behind.

I chanced a quick glance to her, and noticed that there's a red blush, on her left cheek, redder compared her right cheek.

"What happened to your cheek?" I asked, trying to reach out on the said cheek, but she prevented me from doing so.

"It's nothing. It must have been from when I feel asleep here on the couch while waiting for you."

"You've been waiting long?" I inquired, though I already know that she's been here long enough, and very long enough indeed.

"Err…" she looked down, as if avoiding my inquiring look.

"Yeah, a bit. Class ended early today."

As I was about to ask where Yuki is, said man seemed to have emerged from the bath from the way he's looking, with a towel draped down his shoulders, and the buttons of his dress shirt has been left open.

"Ah, there you are brat." He said while walking up to where I was seated.

"Yuki…" was the only thing I managed to say as he kissed my cheek with his warm yet cool lips, and sat down beside me, and turning the TV on.

I'm very happy to see him, I'm always very happy whenever I see him. But somehow, it's just painful to look at him right now.

"Well now that I've done what I came here for, I'll be taking my leave now."

'_Tell me, what is it that you actually came here for again?'_

And so, she finally stood up, brushing invisible dust off her skirt.

"I'll walk you out." I offered.

But, as I was about to stand up, Yuki draped an arm around my shoulder preventing me to do so. And for some reason, I instinctively shot a glance to Maiko, trying to see her reaction for my own satisfaction.

'_Is that a pained look on your face? Is it jealousy? I hope it's not, you don't have the right to.'_

"No, it's okay. I can manage. And seems like Yuki-san here is looking for some alone time, right Yuki-san?"

She said it with a smile, but traces of malice is evident to me as she has spoken.

_My_ lover did not even bother replying, not even a single word or an unrecognizable 'hnn' was heard. He just continued starring off the idiot box.

Having no reply from Yuki, Maiko continued on and said that she'd be really leaving already.

'_JUST GO!'_

And as if hearing my thoughts, she walked out the living room, followed by the click of the door, which is like music to my ears.

Somehow, a wave of relief rushed into me as I heard the door. I let out a sigh that I didn't even notice the amount of breath that I was holding until I have let it all out.

"What's the matter brat?" Yuki asked me with his warm but at the same time cool voice, and laced with concern, and is very soothing.

'_These past three months, that's the matter.'_

Knowing me, I obviously don't have the gut to say it as such; I could only answer him with my silence, hoping that he could reach through my silence.

"Nothing." And obviously he's not stupid as to not see behind my blatant lie. Nothing always meant something, but I could not answer him in any other way.

He must have sense that something is amiss with me. He should know better. He's the one at fault, so he should know better, even though I remain silent, he should know better. He should.

He gently held my head, and gently pushed it down to his right shoulder, making me lean half of my body to him, but when he's like this, I want to lean my whole being to him.

I wrapped my arms around him, trying to hold him very close to me. Being selfish just for a moment.

In reply, he also wrapped both his arms around me, making my head fall on his chest. As he kissed the top of my head, I was just listening to his heart, the steady of beating of his heart, and how I wish that it's still beating for me. We stayed like that for a moment, with him playing my pink hair, and me, with a head full of him.

'_Oh God, I love him so much, I love him so much!'_

I could never hate him, no matter what he had done; I just can't bring myself to hate him. I just love him so much, my heart is full of love for him that there's no space for hatred towards him. Especially at this moment, when his like this, I can't bring myself to.

I know that I'm completely hopeless and helpless, I'm not good at anything except loving him. And as a result of my own selfishness, I decided to push his affair with my sister at the back of my mind, remain blind with it, and I'm willing to pretend for him.

He made me the happiest person alive, and he kept on doing so, even though he intentionally or unintentionally hurt me, he still makes me happy. And so, for making me the happiest person, pretending is the least I could do.

Love is indeed a fire, and I'm willing to burn and to be burnt by it.

And with that in my mind, I looked at him, and reached for him, and sealed the deal with a kiss.

And he returned it with much vigor.


End file.
